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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25526467">A story of fakes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madam_Violet/pseuds/Madam_Violet'>Madam_Violet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Vault Chronicles [35]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Missy is a mess, The Vault (Doctor Who)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:48:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,648</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25526467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madam_Violet/pseuds/Madam_Violet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a stupid argument with Moira, Bill comes to the Doctor to vent, but she accidentally triggers a bad reaction in Missy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Vault Chronicles [35]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/880992</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A story of fakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This could have been a good day, the Doctor thought retroactively, if Missy's brain didn't work in mysterious ways.</p><p>It had all began on a Sunday morning, when Bill had decided to drop by the Vault to share a batch of home made cookies with Missy. The Doctor wasn't really sure what had triggered this unpredictable behaviour. Something about Moira and an argument involving the superiority of cocoa flavoured dough and white chocolate chips. That, and the fact Bill knew the only place where she could find the Doctor on a Sunday morning was in the underground of St Luke University.</p><p>But that only one side of the equation.</p><p>The other side implied a Time Lady, a late night conversation, and a bit too much free time spent alone..</p><p>So, back to the incident and how it happened.</p><p>As said earlier, Bill had made cookies with cocoa dough and white chocolate chips for the afternoon tea with Auntie Beth. She was quite happy of the result until Moira had tasted one and made a frowning face, followed by a snarky comment. Bill hadn't minded the face, it was a long known fact that her teenager minded foster mom didn't like dark chocolate. But the comment had been less than solicited. </p><p>At least, Bill remembered someone in this city liked dark chocolate too.</p><p>When she arrived to the Vault, she could already hear voices from inside. The Doctor was talking, and both Missy and Nardole managed to place a monosyllable when his lungs begged him for a breath. She knocked with a smile.</p><p>"Oh, hi, Bill !" Nardole greeted her.</p><p>The Doctor frowned. "Hello Bill. Did I forget anything ? I thought your auntie was visiting, or something like that, and you couldn't have a field trip today."</p><p>"Please, invite your family for tea more often, poppet." Missy interrupted. Feeling all the eyes on her, she added "I mean, humans grow old so quickly ! Enjoy your time on Earth with them when you still can."</p><p>"That's a pretty decent advice, actually" Bill admitted with a smile. "But please, I seek protection in your Vault until noon, or else there will be a murder and I cannot say who will shoot first."</p><p>"Oh, tell us more ?" Missy said with a spark in her sapphire eyes.</p><p>"It's just a way of speaking" Bill immediately corrected herself "Moira is being extra annoying today. Like, really annoying. Why no one ever told me fifty years old people magically became fifteen again ?"</p><p>Bill dropped a plastic bag on the tea table and sat unceremoniously in the nearest chair.</p><p>"I made cookies, by the way."</p><p>"Thank you" the Doctor muttered, still confused about the whole thing.</p><p>"Dark chocolate !" Missy exclaimed childishly as she helped herself.</p><p>"Magic word ?" Nardole asked sternly.</p><p>"Avada Kedavra"</p><p>The cyborg was about to retaliate, but Bill cut it down before it escalated again. It felt like being stuck in a “Groundhog Day” loop already, and if another argument happened, she would end up alone in the park.</p><p>“That's okay, I don't see any crowned head here.”</p><p>“That's not a reason” Nardole said grumpily.</p><p>“Enough” the Doctor sighed. “Missy, you could at least thank Bill.”</p><p>“Thank you, pretty one ! Well, talking of crowned head, technically, the Doctor right here is still the President of Gallifrey, which implies wearing some sort of a psychic crown if I recall.”</p><p>Bill frowned and the Doctor lifted his palms in defeat.</p><p>“Dark chocolate cookies are the best !” Missy said, taking her fifth biscuit. </p><p>“Ah ! Take that, Moira !” Bill exclaimed. With three pair of eyes looking at her expectantly, she obliged and explained. “Moira says real cookies don't have cocoa in the dough.”</p><p>“Wait, you two had a fight over cookies ?” the Doctor asked in disbelief. </p><p>“Yeah ! It's her problem if she doesn't like cocoa. My cookies might not be caramel and pecan nuts flavoured, but at least I make cookies, unlike some. If she thinks she's gonna impress Auntie Beth with her store bought strawberry pie...”</p><p>Bill would have kept going with her rant if she hadn't noticed something wrong. Missy's eyes were glassy and empty, like a doll's. It was pretty scary.</p><p>“Missy, are you okay ?” the young woman asked.</p><p>“You said real cookies.”</p><p>“Yeah ?”</p><p>“Real cookies” Missy repeated “that implies fake cookies”.</p><p>“Yeah, I suppose ?” Bill said, still confused by Missy's questions.</p><p>“But who decides what's real and fake ?”</p><p>“You mean, the cookies ?” Bill asked, completely dumbfounded by the turn this conversation was taking.</p><p>“I mean in general.”</p><p>“That's... a pretty vague question.”</p><p>“Isn't it ?” Missy snapped. “Then why does everyone knows and not me ?”</p><p>“I don't think I follow you anymore.” Bill admitted.</p><p>“No, it's me. I don't follow anymore.”</p><p>Missy started to quiver and Bill shrank on her chair.</p><p>“Mmh, maybe you should leave. “the Doctor suggested “your Auntie Beth must be on her way and I'm sure Moira forgot to put the lamb joint in the oven. Or whatever she had planned to serve for lunch.”</p><p>Bill shook her head sloppily.</p><p>“I'm not leaving before I get what's wrong with Missy.”</p><p>“Then I hope you have a few centuries to spare, dear” Missy chuckled joylessly.</p><p>She was staring in the void, hugging herself tightly. Bill could see her fingernails clawing at her arms, trying to scratch at her skin through the heavy fabric of her shirt. Suddenly, she cracked and started laughing like a cartoon villain. </p><p>“Missy ! Please, stop that immediately.” the Doctor warned her. </p><p>“Stopping what ?” she almost growl.</p><p>“Bill, please, get out” </p><p>“No, Doctor. Not before I'm sure you're alright.”</p><p>Missy smirked at the young woman.</p><p>“Aww, good puppy girl ! And what do you plan to do if I kill anyone ?”</p><p>“I know you won't !”</p><p>The Doctor jumped on his feet and rushed toward Bill.</p><p>“It's okay” the young woman insisted “she won't attack me, will you, Missy ?”</p><p>The Time Lady blinked for a second before regaining control.</p><p>“Why wouldn't I ?”</p><p>“Because you are better than that.”</p><p>“Really ? Would you mind expending on that argument ?”</p><p>“Okay” Bill said. “To begin with, you are here to learn how to become a better person. I don't know if it was a good idea, but the Doctor saved your life and became your guardian. You are still locked up, but it doesn't seem that bad. I also know you could escape whenever you want. Right now the door isn't even properly closed.”</p><p>“What ?” Nardole shrieked, taking a sprint to the large doors.</p><p>“Yes ? What's your point I'm getting bored already” Missy interrupted.</p><p>“My point is that you wouldn't disappoint the Doctor on a whim and risk losing this comfortable arrangement.”</p><p>“Makes sense, I admit. Okay, you won, honey, I wasn't going to kill you. That's was just a little prank, a tiny little joke between friends.”</p><p>“And it wasn't a funny one.” the Doctor scolded her. </p><p>Missy bit her lip in a parody of contrition and returned to her armchair. Bill nodded and sat too, to the Doctor's dismay.</p><p>“Congratulation, Missy ! You didn't kill the squishy one !” the Time Lady squealed “But is this enough to make me a good person.”</p><p>“I guess it's better having fun scaring people than killing them” Bill admitted “but I suppose this is not the point here.”</p><p>“Clever ! Oh, Doctor, you chose so well this time.”</p><p>The Doctor sighed.</p><p>“Missy, what little game are you playing ?”</p><p>“A philosophical one. Young lady, any idea ?” </p><p>“Ugh ? No, not really. But I'm glad you didn't kill me, and no matter what the Doctor might say, I think it's good enough.”</p><p>“Hurray ! A gold star for Missy !”</p><p>“Listen, Missy” Bill said patiently “I think you're going through something. I obviously said something that triggered you.”</p><p>“Please, I'm a Queen of Evil, not a college hippie”</p><p>Bill stood up and came close, searching eye contact with the distressed Time Lady.</p><p>“I am very serious, Missy. I don't know what I said, but for you it's a big deal. Which means it is a big deal, no matter how much you downplay it. I am not a psychologist, but I have enough basic knowledge to know how a trigger works. Maybe you haven't even realised it yourself, but something set your brain on full speed and you don't know how to stop it. I cannot help you, what's inside your mind is none of my business. I am going back home now, I have a family dinner to save, but the Doctor is here if you need to talk and try to make sense of everything. Just take care, okay ?”</p><p>Missy nodded, too dumbfounded to say anything. The Doctor and Nardole exchanged a quizzical glance.</p><p>“That was quite impressive, Bill” the Time Lord admitted. “Where did you learn all that ?”</p><p>“Thanks. Mainly ladies magazines in waiting rooms, a bit of Tumblr and years of practice with an emotionally unstable foster mom. But if that comforts you, Missy, you make a lot more sense than Moira, and you're far less infuriating.”</p><p>“Thanks, poppet.”</p><p>Bill waved at her three companions and Nardole unlocked the Vault to let her out. When she was gone, the Doctor frowned. </p><p>“Missy, what was it all about ?” he asked sternly.</p><p>“A little practical joke, just to remind your little friend I am still a raving lunatic.”</p><p>“That isn't funny.”</p><p>Nardole coughed.</p><p>“If I may give an opinion, I think Bill might be onto something.”</p><p>Missy made a disgusted face, but the Doctor nodded in encouragement. </p><p>“Missy, I don't think you were faking, and there's no shame in expressing your discomfort when we say something that upset you.” the cyborg explained gently.</p><p>Missy let out a laugh she probably intended as evil, but it came out as a pathetic self depreciative mockery.  </p><p>“So you think I'm always faking, right ? When I try to be good I am faking, when I try to be evil I am faking. Make up your mind, Humpty Dumpty !”</p><p>The Doctor stiffened and hit is forehead in his usual dramatical way, showing everyone he was going to slam a reality shattering revelation on everybody's heads.</p><p>“Of course !” he exclaimed “Missy, do you remember at which moment you started freaking out ?”</p><p>“I didn't freak out, I merely saved you from the little human's boring gossips about aunts, cookies and kitchen counter squabbles.”</p><p>“Fortunately for us, I have a good memory. You lose it when she started talking about fake and real cookies, and how Moira was stuck to a narrow definition of what a cookie is.” </p><p>Missy nodded.</p><p>“And you started again when Nardole accused you of faking madness to hide your true feelings. You are struggling with the concept of fakes, am I right ?”</p><p>Missy stared at the Doctor, eyes and mouth agape. </p><p>“I... I don't know what's real anymore” she admitted.</p><p>The Doctor nodded and came closer. Missy grasped his hands and looked at him with wide, questioning eyes.</p><p>“Maybe I should leave you two alone ?” Nardole suggested.</p><p>Missy bit her lip and shook her head silently.</p><p>“Okay” he said “I'm part of the problem too, right ?”</p><p>Missy nodded. The Doctor squeezed her hands. </p><p>“That's very good, Missy. I am so proud of you when you are not afraid of asking for help.”</p><p>“I... I can't do this anymore.”</p><p>“Do what ?” the Doctor asked, rubbing her hair awkwardly.</p><p>“Deceiving you.”</p><p>“When have you been deceiving me ?”</p><p>“All the time. I am nothing but a living deception. A fake, a total sham. For a while I thought it would be enough, but the other day you made that sermon about the importance of honesty. I... I can't do both at the time. What you are asking me, it's a paradox.”</p><p>“Do both ? What do you mean ?”</p><p>“Being good and being honest. It's either one or the other. I could as well try to be both dead and alive, like the cat of Schrodinger.”</p><p>“Of course you can.” the Doctor said.</p><p>Missy started crying and hit him in the chest with her tiny, powerless fists. He grabbed her hands and caressed her white knuckles.</p><p>“No, I can't. Please, don't try to destroy the basic of logics in my head. I cannot bend my mind. I cannot... I...” she let out a long high pitched cry of frustration. </p><p>The Doctor stood there, wordless. Nardole stepped in, as someone had to relay him when he failed answering.</p><p>“I understand what you mean, Missy. And I agree with you. It's a very naive vision of the world to think individuals are good by default. Being good always imply a certain amount of lying, faking, deceiving. Some people become so good at it they end up deceiving themselves. Does that make them the real thing, I have doubts about it. But it's okay to be a fake. On my own opinion, fakes who become as good as the real thing are in fact superior to he real thing, because it takes art and talent to be a great impersonator.”</p><p>Missy nodded, a glimpse of understanding in her otherwise too far gone eyes. The Doctor nodded, silently thanking Nardole.</p><p>“You don't have to torture yourself with big ideal. Most ideals are fiction anyway” the cyborg kept going on “don't be scared of being an impostor. If you feel like one, then tell yourself you are the most cunning con artist in the world.” </p><p>Missy looked up at the Doctor for approval.</p><p>“I don't necessary agree with Nardole, but that doesn't mean he's wrong.”</p><p>“I won't never be good enough for you” she said “because I wan't never be the real thing.”</p><p>“Do you think I am ?” the Doctor asked.</p><p>“Of course ! You are the most obnoxious goodie-two-shoes in the entire universe.”</p><p>“Thanks for having such a high opinion of me, Missy, but you're wrong. You're talking to a man who has killed thousands of people, and some of them were innocent. I have no sense of responsibilities, and I often treat other people as disposable, no matter how much I claim otherwise. I am a bad person, Missy, a very bad one. And I also am a very bad con artist because I've ended up deceiving myself into thinking I was somewhat redeemable.” </p><p>Missy chuckled.</p><p>“Then we're two impostors very bad at faking. Bill is lovely, though. Do you think she's faking too ?”</p><p>“Humans have a dark side too. Haven't you noticed she made dark chocolate cookies knowing very well her foster mom hated it ? Not exactly a war crime, but it's still quite a petty way to start a fight and create a reason to complain behind her back.”</p><p>“It's her right to prefer dark chocolate, though.” Missy defended.</p><p>“Of course, but would have it been so hard to make a few plain ones and add the chocolate in the dough later ?”</p><p>“Wow, this was quite an evil move indeed.”</p><p>“Missy, what I think is that most people in the universe are good by default because they never had any occasion to trn evil. They do little selfish acts, mainly because self preservation itself is a selfish thing. But I refuse to believe those cynical theories that pretend being alive in itself is already an evil thing. Maybe I am wrong, the universe keeps reminding me I am. But I won't give up my position. The dark chocolate cookies example was just an example of casual pettiness between people who love each other. Because in the end, I know Bill loves Moira, and Moira loves Bill too, but they both go through difficult times and sometimes it's easier to be antagonists than fighting on the same side. You know that well, Missy.”</p><p>“I know that better than anyone else.”</p><p>“I could elaborate more about ordinary humans, of course, but I don't think it would do any good today, Missy. Just remember Nardole is right about this : if you feel like an impostor, tell yourself Being a good fake is a talent in itself.”</p>
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